how i stopped dreading swimsuit season—and actually enjoyed my vacation

A few years ago, my husband and I booked a spontaneous trip to Puerto Rico. It was one of those last-minute decisions where the only goal was to relax and escape our busy lives. But for me, vacations like this used to come with a side of panic. Tropical getaway? That meant one thing: prep mode.

In the past, the weeks leading up to a beach trip looked a lot like a training camp I didn’t sign up for. Restrictive dieting. Extra cardio. An endless loop of body-checking, outfit-anxiety, and internal negotiations about what I was “allowed” to eat. Swimsuit season always meant pressure—pressure to look a certain way, to take up less space, to somehow “earn” my time in the sun. And even with all that effort, I still never felt good enough.

But this trip was different. We booked it two weeks out. No time for a “cutting phase” or body-hating crash plan. And you know what? That turned out to be a gift.

reframing the mirror moment

When I pulled out my old swimsuits, it was clear they weren’t going to cut it. Saggy bottoms. Cracked elastic. Faded prints that had been through too many summers. It was time to find something new. I scrolled through websites, saved styles I liked, and—if I’m being honest—still found myself comparing my body to the models on the screen. That internal voice that told me I had to “look the part” was still whispering in the background.

But something shifted. When the new swimsuits arrived and I tried on the first one, I didn’t go straight to the mirror. I paused. I reminded myself of the work I had done over the past year. I’d been eating intuitively, honoring my hunger, and moving my body in ways that felt good. I’d let go of counting and tracking and punishing myself for every bite. I wasn’t a size 0—and never would be—and for the first time, I didn’t need to be.

When I finally looked in the mirror, I didn’t see flaws—I saw a body that felt strong, grounded, and mine. I even walked down the hall to show my husband. The look on his face? Pure approval. And not just of the swimsuit. Of me.

stepping into the sun (without shrinking)

On the first day of the trip, I wrapped myself in a sarong, took a deep breath, and walked out to the pool. I’ll be real with you: I still felt a little hesitant. Years of conditioning don’t just disappear with a couple of affirmations. But as I scanned the space, something powerful hit me.

No one was watching me. No one cared about my body more than I did. And every single woman out there—regardless of shape, size, or swimsuit style—was just living. Laughing. Lounging. Reading books and sipping cocktails and showing up in their bodies without apology.

All that stress, all that pre-trip anxiety, all the moments I’d wasted worrying about how I’d look in a bikini… evaporated in the Caribbean breeze. I wasn’t there to hide. I was there to live.

how vacation actually felt this time

Over the next few days, I found a rhythm that felt like real freedom. I woke up early and went for runs before the sun got too intense. I ate whatever looked good—local dishes, fresh seafood, crunchy fried plantains—and never once thought about how to “burn it off.” I ran & meditated in the mornings, practiced Pilates by the ocean, and prioritized rest instead of restriction.

For the first time in my adult life, I experienced vacation without obsessing over my body. I felt present. Relaxed. Energized. I focused less on how I looked and more on how I felt. And the feeling was peace.

the truth about swimsuit season

I know the idea of enjoying swimsuit season without changing your body feels far-fetched for a lot of women. Especially those of us who are active, driven, and used to performing in every area of life—including the gym. We’ve been taught that our value is tied to our body size. That food is something to control. That self-worth is measured in inches and pant sizes.

But the truth? That thinking keeps you trapped. The moment you decide to respect your body instead of fight it, everything shifts.

You don’t need six weeks of dieting to feel “ready.” You need a mindset that says, I’m allowed to be seen as I am. You need the skills to tune out the noise, listen to your body, and choose self-care that doesn’t come with guilt.

You need freedom—not control.

a few reminders if you’re still feeling stuck

It’s okay if this feels hard. That mirror moment didn’t come easy for me either. But it did come. And yours can too.

Start by remembering that you don’t have to love every inch of your body to respect it. You don’t need to earn your meals or “make up for” vacation food. And you certainly don’t need to be smaller to be worthy of showing up and soaking up joy.

The goal isn’t perfection—it’s peace.

And if that feels far away right now? That’s exactly why support exists.