managing food intolerances without turning it into a new set of food rules

Let's be real: dealing with food intolerances is a pain in the ass. I developed a dairy intolerance that forced me to rethink my favorite foods. One day, cheese was my go-to comfort, and the next, it felt like betrayal every time I took a bite. But instead of spiraling into sadness or restriction, I decided to explore non-dairy alternatives.

Here’s what I've learned—and what I’ve been doing—to keep enjoying food without falling back into old, punishing patterns.

1. reframe your “no” as a yes to feeling better

When you’re told you can’t have something—like my beloved cheese—it can feel like your world is shrinking. Instead of mourning what’s off-limits, I choose to see it as saying yes to feeling better. Every time I opt for a non-dairy option that leaves me comfortably satisfied, I’m choosing health over temporary indulgence. It’s not about missing out; it’s about choosing what actually makes me feel like a functioning human the next day.

2. let yourself grieve the dairy you once loved

Look, I still miss cheese. I miss the creamy richness and the way it elevated pasta feel like a gourmet moment (oh mac n' cheese how I miss you!). And that’s okay. Grieving the loss of a favorite food isn’t a defeat—it’s a natural part of adjusting. I’ve learned to allow myself a moment of nostalgia, a side-eye at that old dairy friend, and then I move on. A little tear, a quick rant, and I get back to finding delicious alternatives that work for me.

3. explore what still works instead of fixating on what’s gone

I stopped fixating on the “no dairy” list and began experimenting with all the non-dairy alternatives out there. I discovered almond, oat, and coconut milks that almost fooled my taste buds. Non-dairy cheeses have come a long way, too—they’re not perfect, but sometimes they hit that spot without sending my gut into a frenzy. Focusing on what is available and enjoyable has been liberating. It’s like finding out there’s a whole new menu when you thought the restaurant was closing up shop.

4. separate your food needs from diet culture noise

It’s easy to slip back into the mindset of deprivation—especially when your body suddenly rejects what once was normal. But remember: avoiding dairy isn’t about dieting or moralizing your choices. It’s about listening to your body. I’m not shunning dairy because I want to lose weight or impress Instagram influencers; I’m doing it because my body needs to feel well. That clarity keeps me grounded and stops me from letting diet culture sneak back in disguised as wellness advice.

5. aim for body respect, not constant body love

Some days, my body really feels like a drama queen—especially on dairy-free days when I dream of that perfect slice of aged cheddar. But I’ve learned that I don’t need to be head-over-heels in love with my body all the time. What matters is respecting it enough to give it what it truly needs. It’s about listening to the signals and supporting my health, even if that means choosing a non-dairy option. Respect over love is my new mantra.

6. show yourself compassion, even when it’s frustrating

Let’s be honest: some days it’s gonna suck. Whether you’re at a party surrounded by foods you can’t eat or you’re just frustrated with your body’s quirks, it’s okay to feel that way. Instead of beating yourself up, try to meet the moment with compassion. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can, adjusting a recipe or finding a substitute, and that every choice is a step toward feeling better. You’re not failing; you’re adapting.

Managing food intolerances isn’t about strict bans or feeling like you’re constantly missing out. It’s about finding creative, tasty ways to honor your body’s needs—without letting nostalgia or fear hold you back.